How to Boost Self-Esteem:      A Lifelong Journey of Growth

Many people are unaware of the powerful impact that low self-esteem can have on their lives.

 They may be battling feelings of inadequacy, dissatisfaction with their appearance, or a lack of direction, all stemming from a fundamental lack of self-worth. It feels like they’ve tried every possible method, but nothing seems to work. However, giving up is not an option. Low self-esteem needs to be tackled head-on, and if one approach fails, another may just be the key.

Your attitude toward yourself directly influences your successes and achievements in life. When you’re feeling down, everything suffers—your work, relationships, and even your ability to enjoy life. And let’s face it, no one really wants to be around someone who is constantly depressed and withdrawn. Breaking free from this vicious cycle requires action, and in this article, psychologists offer some fantastic tips for boosting self-esteem.

5 Main Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is one of the most common psychological issues people face, regardless of age. Children may not fully grasp what’s happening to them, but adults often recognize the problem, even if they feel powerless to change it. Either they don’t try to address it, or they simply don’t know how to improve their self-esteem and build confidence.

Low self-esteem manifests as insecurity and a lack of belief in one’s abilities. People with this issue fear everything around them, react harshly to criticism, and frequently experience mood swings. Self-esteem is essentially a reflection of how you evaluate yourself, and since we all live within a social framework, the opinions of others—whether at work, home, or school—can significantly shape how we see ourselves.

Daily interactions often lead to judgments, and these assessments may not align with how we view ourselves. Worse, these external judgments can seriously impact our self-esteem. That’s why it’s crucial to learn how to manage our emotions from a young age. Parents play a pivotal role here, as they’re the ones who guide us through these formative experiences. Many people struggling with low self-esteem trace the roots of the issue back to childhood.

There are several factors that may contribute to feelings of inadequacy—genetic conditions, unusual physical appearance, or social and family dynamics, for example. Let’s explore five of the most common reasons for low self-esteem:

1. Faulty Parenting

The way parents interact with their children directly influences how the child views themselves. If your parents constantly found reasons to criticize instead of praise, or if they compared you to the “perfect” neighbor’s kid, you never really had a foundation to build self-confidence.

Psychologists agree that the family is the center of a child’s world, with parents serving as role models. If your child grows up feeling unsure and passive, it’s often a reflection of how they were treated at home. Only children and first-borns tend to have higher self-esteem because parents usually give them more attention, whereas younger siblings are often compared to their elder counterparts, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.

Children from balanced households, where the father is just but firm, and the mother supports his authority while nurturing the children, tend to grow up with healthier self-esteem.

2. Childhood Failures

Failure can happen at any age, but the way we handle it makes all the difference. A negative experience in childhood can leave deep psychological scars, often fostering guilt and insecurity. Divorce or constant parental fighting are common triggers, with the child subconsciously blaming themselves. Over time, this guilt turns into a lack of self-confidence.

In childhood, everything seems magnified, so a small failure might feel like the end of the world. Adults can shake off a bad sports result and work harder next time, but for children, losing can be devastating unless their parents step in to help them cope. Constant failures in school, teasing by peers, and careless remarks by adults—especially parents—can lead to a steady erosion of a child’s self-esteem.

3. Lack of Clear Goals in Life

If you have no ambitions, there's no pressure to succeed, right? Just drifting along with the current is easy because it requires no character or effort. People with low self-esteem often live this way—they stop trying to improve themselves, neglect their appearance, and shy away from taking initiative. They resign themselves to a life of quiet resignation.

But while it's easier to stay invisible and avoid challenges, this mindset leads to stagnation. Without effort, there is no growth, and the individual often blames their circumstances or others for their lack of progress. However, with determination, even adults can reverse this mindset.

4. Passive Social Environment

Surrounding yourself with people who have no ambition or spiritual growth stunts your own potential. Ambition flourishes in environments where people are striving for something greater. If your friends prefer to live quietly, avoiding risks, then you’ll likely follow the same path.

It’s essential to evaluate the company you keep. If those around you complain endlessly, gossip, and waste time on trivial matters, you’re at risk of becoming like them. Instead, seek out people who are actively working towards their goals, advancing their careers, or running their own businesses.

5. Physical and Health Challenges

Children with physical differences or chronic illnesses often struggle with self-esteem more than others due to bullying and social stigma. Even the most supportive parents may not be able to fully counteract the influence of the child’s social environment.

A classic example is children who are overweight, who often face relentless teasing from peers.

 If adults don’t intervene, these children will carry low self-esteem into adulthood. However, with the right guidance, they can learn to embrace their uniqueness and find strength in other qualities.

How you treat yourself mirrors how others treat you. If you don't love or respect yourself, others won’t either. Self-criticism often leads to isolation, depression, and other mental health issues. People with low self-esteem struggle to accept compliments and often retreat into the role of the victim.

Impact of Low Self-Esteem on Life

Low self-esteem affects every aspect of life—personal relationships suffer, career advancement stalls, and it becomes difficult to enjoy even the smallest pleasures. Instead of embracing life, people with low self-esteem shy away from it, believing it’s easier to criticize and dislike themselves rather than attempt change.

If you see yourself as a failure, that’s how others will see you too. So, the journey to higher self-esteem starts from within—building a strong, positive relationship with yourself first and foremost.

Men and Women's Self-Esteem: Differences and Insights

The term "self-esteem" is multifaceted, carrying various meanings that are shaped by individual experiences. Self-esteem isn't a universal life concept or an all-encompassing judgment of a person. It’s typically defined by specific areas of life, like work, family, appearance, or skills. Both men and women experience insecurity, often arising from a lack of experience, knowledge, or skills in a particular domain.

Despite similar causes, the way men and women experience self-esteem can differ significantly.

Women's Self-Esteem: The Role of Environment

Psychologists have long understood ways to help women boost their self-esteem. A woman's sense of worth is heavily influenced by her immediate surroundings, particularly the messages she received in childhood from her parents—especially her father. If she was never praised, shown affection, or made to feel loved, she might grow up feeling unwanted or insignificant. A sense of safety is crucial for a girl; physical punishment or neglect may lead her to normalize harmful behavior in future relationships.

It’s important to praise girls for simply being who they are—kind, beautiful, good people. This encourages them to grow into confident women who can assess their abilities realistically. If her parents failed to nurture her self-worth, a supportive environment becomes essential to prevent a downward spiral of insecurity.

Being surrounded by people who love and affirm her is crucial. Negative environments can slowly destroy her self-worth. If those around her don’t regularly tell her that she’s amazing, beautiful, and smart, she might develop complexes and guilt. So, she needs to curate a circle of friends and loved ones who consistently uplift her. After parents, a woman’s partner often plays the most significant role in this process. If a woman doesn’t hear kind words at home but instead is met with criticism and anger, no amount of therapy will be enough to restore her confidence.

Men's Self-Esteem: Simplicity and Self-Reliance

For men, the story is often simpler. Men tend to have a natural foundation of self-esteem; they bolster it independently. A man’s actions typically center around the mantra: “Who did this? I did! I’m awesome! I’m strong!”—even if those around him hold a different opinion.

While women thrive on compliments for their inherent qualities, men need recognition for their achievements and actions.

Stress Relief and Confidence Building

A trip to the salon for a fresh haircut or a new dress might relieve stress for a woman, but for a man, relaxation often comes through unwinding or taking a break.

Focus on Your Strengths

Self-love begins with positive thinking. Don’t drag out every flaw into the spotlight. Instead, concentrate on your strengths. Nobody is perfect, and that’s something to accept. It’s the unique blend of strengths and weaknesses that makes us all different. Often, what seems like a flaw can become a strength. If you’re stubborn and meticulous, channel that energy into your goals, work, or studies.

Think Positively.

It's widely believed that thoughts can shape reality. So, monitor your thinking and cut out negativity. Mornings are the best time to start your day with love for yourself and a positive outlook. One simple technique to boost your self-esteem: upon waking, smile and say, “Three magical things are waiting for me today—let’s begin!” Then snap your fingers confidently. Follow it with: “Problems and stress—be gone!” and snap again. Practice this daily, and good fortune will follow.

Praise Yourself

We all love praise, yet often, we don’t get enough of it. If no one is around to tell you something kind, do it yourself! Compliment yourself for cooking a delicious breakfast, cleaning the floors, or going grocery shopping. Gradually, this will motivate you to do even more things for which you can praise yourself. Mirror compliments are another source of positivity. Admire yourself for being one-of-a-kind, and soon others will notice and praise you too.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparisons rarely bring anything good. Constantly measuring yourself against others can provoke resentment and the urge to act out of spite. Instead, compare yourself to your past self and strive to become a better version of that person. Each individual is unique, and imitation only creates weaker copies. Value your originality.

Let Go of Grudges

If you want to boost your self-esteem, let go of all negativity. First, forgive yourself for the ways you’ve wronged yourself. Then, release your grievances toward others—friends, colleagues, or family members. A simple yet effective method is the "letter of grievances." Write down how someone hurt you, be as candid as possible, then burn the letter and scatter the ashes. Practice this for 40 consecutive days, and you’ll find yourself freed from even the deepest hurts.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

One of the key strategies to boost self-esteem is to step out of your comfort zone. Take on a challenge that forces you to grow. This is a necessary step. It builds confidence, courage, and opens new doors. While stepping out might seem daunting, if you view obstacles as opportunities for growth rather than barriers, your life will take on new vibrancy.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

Every group has people who seem dissatisfied with everything—their job, their salary, their family. Avoid these energy drainers. Surround yourself with people who are positive, upbeat, and willing to share their happiness with others. Cultivate the same positivity, and you’ll have an endless source of good energy.

Celebrate Your Achievements

We often forget our victories, so start a journal to record even your smallest successes. Regularly reread it to remind yourself of the things you were once proud of. This is a simple and effective way to build confidence and raise self-esteem.

Improving Self-Esteem Through Self-Development

To genuinely embrace self-love and become confident, you need to reflect on your strengths and work on yourself in key areas. Psychologists widely endorse self-development as a way to boost self-esteem and confidence.